It is my experience that those who have excelled in their career, or made vast fortunes, have found the love of a lifetime in a perfect partner, have not let fear be anything but a tool to motivate them to success. Fear is not to be a hindrance, but more a guide, a motivation to push aside and move beyond. To see opportunity and possibility in life, in relationships, in your personal health and fitness, one must need to push aside fear. Control it, mold it and use it as a tool to motivate us towards success, even greatness!
We all have had disappointment in our career, our goals towards ultimate health and fitness, our education advancement, and especially in our personal relationships. The pain & disappointment we experience teaches us lessons. Consider that scrapped up shin when I first tried to jump with both feet to the top of the wooden box that was a mere 18 inches tall. That injury may create “safety barriers or boundaries” as well as a warning, “this hurt that last time you tried to do it”. Remember falling off your bike when you were first learning to ride without assistance on the 2 wheels?
We need to understand and develop those lessons, maybe even re-tell ourselves the lessons in a different way to make the lesson a tool to succeed in the future. This was my experience after my husbands death.
I sought out a Therapist and Counselor to help me navigate the way I told my self the lesson and story of that experience. I did not want to be “repellent” or “broken” and I was bound and determined to not stop at “victim”, or even “survivor”. No, I wanted to Thrive, and so began my journey and expansion on the motto I had began in 2009, “Creating a Beautiful Life”, to “Thrive, It’s Your Life”.
Since then I have been in the company of many who are going through trials, journeys of a lifetime towards a healthier body & mind, challenges in relationships, even just life, and I have done my best to motivate, encourage and inspire them to see past the injuries of the their past, to seek to push past their fear or hurt, broken heart or disappointment to give their best efforts to advance. To give possibility and opportunity a fair go. Several have used that to find their own “inner fierceness” and have made huge advancements in their careers, success, and even in giving love another chance.
The thing about the body is this, I have learned, we will all experience heart break, likely more than once, and much as it hurts each time, we will heal, we will learn and we will live through it. Heartbreak and disappointment will not kill us. Each of us is made to recover, and grow and learn, and we are made to love again, and again. That is the thing about love, the more we share it, the more we let it grow the mightier it is. Think about a couple when they first fall in love and how strong their love is. Then as children come into the family and their love is expanded, it becomes even more committed, stronger.
However, there are too many people that become bitter, nasty, cruel and even repellent or give excuses why they cannot let love or a new relationship have even a breath of life to develop. They are too busy with work, too focused on their career advancement, or with their education and goals; excuses created to protect them from another disappointment or heartbreak. I call Bull__it! They may be chronic daters, players, or just have given up on the whole dating experience; telling themselves it is okay to be alone, to not be in a committed relationship. And I will admit it is okay to be alone, but not to give up on love and never even get out there and meet people. Go on group dates or join a Meetup.com group that has similar interests. Just get out!
Or, if you have the opportunity to live in another location, state, or country and you don’t take the chance to have the experience because you don’t have a “sure thing” , or you don’t have the knowledge of how it is going to turn out. This is another topic all together, Faith. We won’t cover that one here, now.
We all have been in a place where we have not yet achieved that goal of health, fitness, speed, ideal weight or given up that addiction that still controls us. The goal is to not let the past disappointments rule our future. We can begin each new day, with the same goal as we had the day before, be better than the day before and the day before that. If you experience a set back, don’t let that be the place you stay. Start the very next day again with the goal. You can’t get a change if you don’t change.
What I want to stress is this: We cannot let fear stop us from having the experience, of giving us the possibility of the experience to grow, learn, love, even maybe succeed. Find your inner fierce and give your future self something to talk about; a story of how you conquered your fear and went on a grand adventure. No matter the outcome, you will have succeeded, because you did not stay where it was safe, where you did not change, where you slowly died in mediocrity and boredom. Where you were alone with your excuses.
If you need to do as I did, and seek out professional help to teach you to tell your stories in such a way to make fear a motivator, than I encourage you to do so. Let go of your preconceived notions of what a therapist is for and who they are for. Learn to get the tools you need to make your own success happen.
Do not be stuck in amber, in a confinement of your own making by letting your fear hold you hostage. This could be deadly and will slowly choke you from the greatness of your future self. Give these things some thought and I hope to see you at the top!